TFTA

(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

(740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.

(305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I’m not coming.

(440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

(805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I’ll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

(508): He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses….i think i love him

(480): Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.

(636): Ridin mah bike see you on the moon

(+84): The great thing about vietnam is that if I’m drunk during the day people just think I’m being white. 

(512): you never know when you’ll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator.