(440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
(805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I’ll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
(508): He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses….i think i love him
(480): Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
(636): Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
(+84): The great thing about vietnam is that if I’m drunk during the day people just think I’m being white.
(512): you never know when you’ll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator.